Have you heard the news that PIANOS, yes, PIANOS!, are an endangered species?I've been saying this for years now: "Soon, pianos are going to be extinct." And my observation has been met almost exclusively with disbelief and ridicule. "That's crazy! How can pianos become extinct? People play them all the time!" folks would say.Good old Reader's Digest is the national publication that recently put pianos on their endangered list, (ironically, Reader's Digest is also on the brink of extinction) thus corroborating my seemingly outlandish observation. Although anyone knows you can't believe everything you read, it seems that the general public would rather trust Reader's Digest's predictions than those of an aging blonde Southern Belle. And now that Reader's Digest has got my back, I finally have some credibility when I rant on my favorite topic: The Fate of the Piano.Here are the facts: There are way more televisions, ipods, cel phones, computers, and video games than there are pianos. Sales of televisions, ipods, cel phones, and video games are up, and sales of pianos are down. And if people want more televisions, ipods, cel phones, and computers, and fewer pianos, listen up, ya'll: Supply and demand wins; pianos are history. (sm)
In case you didn't know, the reason for the decline in demand for pianos is very simple:
Pianos are a pain. They are rarely much fun to be with, they require maintenance that can only be provided by weird men with funny tools, and, they have to be dusted, a task only slightly less despised by modern folk than ironing. They're big, they're expensive, and they will never ever match the sofa.No one can make a credible estimate of how long it will take a person to learn to operate the instrument: come to think of it, no one can even guarantee you will ever learn to operate a piano at all. Owning a piano even comes with emotional baggage; namely, a relationship with a member of a breed unto themselves: Piano Teachers. Trust me, you want to think long and hard before you let a member of that tribe into your life.
Back to the piano itself: Did I mention they're big ... and heavy? You can't take them anywhere, you have to go to them - with humility, patience, and a sense of humor. And possibly a glass of alcohol, or a caffeinated beverage, which you can never, ever sit anywhere near the damn thing because if you spill that beverage into the instrument, you'll end up having to call the weird guy with the funny tools, and he doesn't work cheap.
Although pianos can be stunningly beautiful in a timeless, art deco sort of way, the more affordable ones are often scarred and homely.
And, if you happen to live next door to a piano, you will more likely hear the piercing tones of a frustrated, tortured beginner being forced to push keys down for thirty minutes than the lyrical lines of a polished performer bringing Chopin's delicately filigreed phrases to life. (The polished performers don't seem to live next door to anyone except maybe in New York, where even their musical sounds can be unwelcome.)
To call a piano high maintenance is an understatement. Granted, they don't have to be house broken, but then again, they're not cute little furry things. I guess that's why no one is up in arms to save pianos from extinction. Yet, the Piano has been a partner to the intellectual and artistic growth of the human race for hundreds of years. You'd think someone would sit up and take notice of that fact, now wouldn't you?I personally believe that the decline of the piano is having a negative impact on society that will only be completely understood and mourned in hindsight. And, despite the inherent pitfalls of piano ownership, I don't want to live in a world devoid of the benefits of studying the Piano, arguably the greatest musical instrument ever designed.That's why I want to Save the Pianos. Please join me.
